Joy?

So we have had a rough week, month, three months. My husband has asthma and has been battling head/chest colds since late October. Not fun for him or us. With several rounds of antibiotics, steroids and also a nebulizer he still wasn’t able to kick the colds. We all took a turn being sick through December and I got my cold (without any ribbons) on Christmas day. So this week he was going down faster than an apple in New York City on New Year’s Eve. And Friday was the clincher. After an entire night of hacking, and chills and a fever…..he was done. Friday morning I took him to the emergency room and he was promptly taken back to start oxygen, fluids, antibiotics and blood work.

I felt really bad for my husband as he lay there so weak and frail completely powerless as they were poking needles over and over again in his arms. The most exciting needle was the ABG. We never heard of it before and we never want to again. It hurts like a bad word. Late that night he was finally able to get settled and in a room.

The results are in….Pneumonia; both lungs. Joy.

This verse whizzed through the back of my brain as I choose not to focus on it.


2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1: 2-5

I don’t feel very joyful. My husband is sick. I am tired. The boys are getting tired. I know several days in the hospital will be expensive. Joy? Really?

After dropping off the kids, visiting him and then racing back to pick them up again this morning, I fell on the bed to close my eyes for a minute. I couldn’t sleep because my oldest son was in the basement practicing the worship songs for Sunday’s service. Seriously? Does he have to do this right now? I am so tired. Doesn’t he know that I might want some quiet after a long, stressful day yesterday and a busy one today?

I drifted off a bit and then back as I heard the words he was singing.

“Open the eyes of my heart, Lord” he was stuck on that beginning chord with his guitar or something because he sang that line about fifteen times. Seriously? Come On.

After the fifteenth time hearing that line I started to think God was speaking to me. Alright, I thought to myself, I will try to open my heart.

My son continued to sing the rest of the song beautifully in his deep, yearning voice that moves everyone in a room.

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see you
I want to see you

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see you
I want to see you

To see You high and lifted up
Shining in the light of Your glory
Pour out Your power and love
As we sing holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
I want to see you
I realized that hearing my son sing these words might not be an interruption but a blessing from God. A good reminder.

If you want to hear a version of this song, click play below.



I honestly don’t think joy is always a feeling, I think it is more of a choice.

For me it is choosing to focus on the truth which doesn’t change from day to day like my feelings.

So……things I am thankful for today.

My husband is stable now and beginning to cough less and get some rest!My mother was great in taking the kids last minute and playing with and feeding them until late in the evening yesterday.
My sister and her husband helped watch the kids today too.
My sister let me vent to her last night.
My older brothers called to check in on us. : )
Some family members were able to visit my husband.
A good friend of his stopped in to pay him a visit. I’m sure he made my husband laugh into a coughing fit.
It was a beautiful warm day and the kids were able to play outside.
I now know the hospital's new floor plan like the back of my hand.
I went grocery shopping earlier in the week and had pulled pork in the crock pot ready for the family to eat for the next couple of days!
I am now a professional emergency room attendee and had everything I needed for the long stay; even yarn and a crochet hook.

My ER List
Big gym bag with pockets
Phone/charger
Daytimer: with phone number/doctors info./insurance info. etc.
Wallet, change for vending machines, cash for parking
Medicines the ER patient takes
Nuts and granola bar when I feel my blood sugar dropping from seeing too much blood (which I did)
Scarf/jacket for sitting in the only chair available that is always under an air vent.
Magazines/something to keep my hands busy = crochet hook & yarn
Bible verses for encouragement
Pad of paper and pen for writing down: questions/doctors names/times of meds/room numbers/where you parked the car, etc.
Ibuprofen


I am putting my weary little head down now.
I wonder if there will be another song playing.

Good night!