letting go

My oldest son moved out of the house last week.

It hasn’t been easy for me.

 He moved out for a year and a half when he was around nineteen and then later asked to move back in so he could save money and focus on college. He is twenty-three, mature and he is more than ready to be independent. He has traveled to Germany, Belize and around the United States and is fully capable of taking care of himself.

It is the location that is difficult for me.

 He is four and a half hours away.

 For a mom who has a close relationship with her son, this is hard. And for two little boys (7 and 9) that look up to their big brother it’s going to be a big adjustment.

He is so kind and encouraging, very pleasant to be around and is so helpful around the house we really miss him.

I have always known that children are a gift from God, on loan to us to train up.
The rearing and training can be hard especially during the toddler and the teen years but the letting go, though it comes in stages, is very difficult.

Things that are helping me keep things in perspective:

Knowing that God is in control

Consistent scripture reading and prayer

Refocusing my thoughts when they turn inward and selfish

When I mentioned how far he was moving to another mother, she excitedly exclaimed that four and a half hours isn’t far at all. Her oldest moved to Oklahoma!

He is not in another country in harms way fighting terrorist, he is working with church

We set up Skype and we love it! At least we can all see his smiling face when we talk

He has a great group of people around him helping him get acclimated to the area and with his new job

We can meet half way and hang out with him for the day

He really is only a phone call away

He moved to a beautiful area and we can’t wait to visit him, his friends and the area

We were so blessed to have him move back in to our house and have some more time with him. It was especially good for him to be able to bond with his little brothers. They now have a great relationship to build on

***

We “Skyped” tonight again and he is doing great! He really likes the people he is working with and has met some fantastic friends and is starting to get to know the area!

Letting go is hard but inevitable.

It is an important transition for both mom and child.

Each day is getting a little easier. I am so proud of him!

I must say I am very excited to see where God leads him over the next year.

cinnamon buns & enjoying the ride

We made cinnamon buns a while back and even though the kitchen was a wild mess at the end, we had a blast. I am learning more and more how to step back and let my children do more for themselves. It is hard at times to let go…knowing I could pour the two cups of flour easily with minimal amounts of flour particles billowing into the air.

But I’ve realized over time that letting my children make mistakes is their best teaching tool; even in the kitchen. For some mothers, that sounds like nails on a chalkboard. But my kids know where the paper towels, napkins, rags, hand broom and dust pan are and when they inevitably spill something they say, “oops!” and scurry to clean it up properly. I tell them it is alright to make mistakes and that they now know how to be more careful next time; and they are.

Our fancy-shmancy cinnamon rolls came from my Betty Crocker recipe book.

 We had fun mixing the yeast and kneading the dough, watching the dough rise and their favorite…rolling out the dough.

I can’t decide which is sweeter:

 the cinnamon buns or my sons tiny hands pulling the thread around the cinnamon roll.

"Wait!"

 "We have to bake them first!"

When the cinnamon rolls were finished baking, we poured a simple vanilla, powdered sugar icing on top. Yum!

I love how simple and yet tasty the Betty Crocker recipes are.

Their recipes are perfect for this busy stage in my life.

I know there will be plenty of opportunities in the future when I will have the time to hunt down obscure ingredients, but for now, I am focusing on making memories with my children and not competing for a blue ribbon.

*** 

I will leave you with my favorite quote from the movie Parenthood (1989).

[Gil has been complaining about his complicated life; Grandma wanders into the room]

Grandma: You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.
Gil: Oh?
Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!
Gil: What a great story.

Grandma: I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.

***
Bake something with your kids. Get messy. Enjoy the ride!

{ What do you or your kids love to bake? }

I politely disagreed



my mom's glasses she wore in college



My public speaking course is over and I have to say

 I am glad I signed up and took the classes.

It was a low commitment in time and money and yet,
at the same time, it was a high commitment in stress,
 personal expectations and comfort.

  I could have backed out or not showed up
for the final class where we were to deliver
 a prepared, five minute speech.

A lot of people surprisingly did not show up
for the final class.  To be honest, that thought did
 cross my mind for a brief second

 but I simply pushed past it.

 Was I nervous? Yes.

Was it uncomfortable? Yes.

Did it kill me? No.

Did I learn a lot? Yes.

Would I do it again? YES!!!

As you may know, a teacher can make or break a class.

 This teacher was excellent and I immediately
knew it would be a great class  when he said,
 “I want to show you a video on TED.com.”

 His teaching was clear and purposeful,

 and he was engaging and positive.  

I learned a lot, met some great people
 and have already incorporated some of this new
 found knowledge into my everyday activities.

 I have used some of the concepts

 when I am teaching my boys here at home,

 relaying information to my husband

and recently in some social settings. 



My boys, all three of them, were excited to hear
what I learned in class.
  It was great to see their excitement and support.

Over the weekend, the family went to a birthday party

 and someone overheard that I took a public speaking class.

 They rolled their eyes and told me they took one years ago

 and hated their class but had to
 take it because it was mandatory.

 I mentioned that I elected to take this class on a whim

 to challenge myself and for personal growth.

 

The older woman chuckled at me and said,

 “Oh, you’ll change as you get older!”

I politely disagreed.



I see myself as a student of life.

 As long as I am alive,

 I want to push myself to

 learn new things,

 stretch and grow

and, most of all,

 pass on to others what I have learned.

Now...who is up for some skydiving?

***

{{I would love to hear how you have pushed

 yourself to learn new things!}}



Public Speaking 101

So, I made it, I survived!

After listening to this great TED speech (see below) and some other circumstances that arose this last week, I decided to take the plunge and sign up for a public speaking class.

I don’t particularly like, wait...scratch that, I hate speaking in front of groups. It literally makes me panic. I am great at behind the scenes kind of stuff and excel when I am totally focused and alone. Put me in front of a group of people and I can’t remember my own name.

I like hanging out with my friends and family and I really enjoy meeting new people. But I have always said that speaking in front of a group is not my gift. Well, how will I ever know if I never try?

Some of my greatest times of growth have been through circumstances that pushed me out of my comfort zones: like “fish-out-of-water” circumstances. They are the times when I thought, “This is crazy, I can’t do this!” but then looking back…yes, it was crazy and I did do it. I survived.


So, within the first five minutes of class, our gregarious, young teacher tells us that he wants each of us, in turn to stand up, say our name, let everyone know why we are taking this class and tell one thing about ourselves. Then, with a big smile, he looks at me and says, “Why don’t you start!”

Seriously?

Right off the bat, I had to stand up and speak in front of the entire class. Arrrgggg!!!

I reluctantly stood up, took a deep breath and faked my best ‘confident smile’ and said, “Hi, my name is Inge, I am taking this public speaking class because I literally hate speaking in public and I want to work on that area for personal growth. I have a blog and enjoy sitting behind my computer screen where I can comfortably write, express and edit myself!”

It took my heart at least ten minutes to regulate itself, before the teacher tells us that each of us will stand up in front of the classroom and give a short speech before the end of the evening. Double Arrrgggg!!!

Yup! Nothing like hitting the ground running.

Most of the people in the class wanted to work on their fear of speaking in public as well. It felt good to be in a room full of people who had that common thread and could root for each other and give positive feed back.

There were two girls that had been in the United States for only ten months; one from China and one from Germany. They could barely speak English but they did their very best and did great. I only had to work through my fears and they had to work through their fears and the language barrier.

All in all, it was fun, nerve-racking, but fun!

It was nice to do something for myself for a change; it had been a long time since I was sitting in a classroom. But I came home with a new energy, a smile and a rush of adrenaline and it felt great!

I believe that God wants us to use our gifts to glorify Him.

It is our job to figure what our gifts are,
fine tune them
and get working.

My favorite part, which keeps repeating itself in my head is, “My year of speaking dangerously!” I love it!


Susan Cain: The power of introverts


What will this year be for you?

change

Change is painful.

We don’t like.

We resist it.

Nonetheless it is inevitable.

Soon we realize some changes, when accepted,

embraced and worked through can bring about peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:4

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance.

letting go

Warm weather came early the last three days,

so we pulled the bikes out of the shed.

The training wheels came off of my middle son’s bike last September,

but he wasn’t very interested in learning to ride it.

So the past three days, I have been running

up and down our street holding on

to the back of his coat while he tries to stay balanced on his bike.

As I am running along side of him,

keeping him from certain contact with the pavement,

I am coaching him and reassuring him that he will get it little by little.

(This explains my angry back muscles)

On Wednesday,

gravity and fear had the best of him.

Thursday,

I saw a glimmer of hope.

And today,

today he got it!

I let go.

As painful as it is for mothers to let go of their little boys,

I was more proud than anything!

The smile on his face was priceless!

After riding up the street by himself he said,

“I like doing it with out any help!”

Isn’t that the goal of parenting?

I clearly remember the day I got it!

My father took my two older brothers and sister to the school blacktop near our house and off they went on their bikes. I really wanted to learn how to ride like them. I wanted to go fast without my training wheels too. My father took the training wheels off of my bike and patiently held the back of my bike as I peddled my little legs as fast as I could. I remember hearing his voice with his instructions behind my head as I concentrated on not falling.

Then I remember looking over my shoulder and looking behind me.

My father was not holding on to the back of my bike keeping me safe and steady, he was far away standing there smiling.

He let go.

I was doing it all by myself.

I think that is the hardest part of parenting,

knowing when to let go.

But isn’t that the goal of parenting?

Will our children fall and get hurt?

Yes.

Will we be able to catch them each time?

No.

Is it important to let our children experience painful life lessons?

Yes.

Will they learn and grow through painful life lessons?

Yes, and no.

We hope so.

Sometimes it takes a couple falls to learn.

Sometimes it takes years.

I do know that the more we rescue

the longer it takes for them to learn.

We aren’t meant to hold on to the back of their bikes for the rest of their lives.

As parents, we are to teach them life skills,

and live a life of character,

so that when they fall,

they get back up,

wipe themselves off and try again and again.

At some point, we are to let go,

stand on the sidelines and cheer them on,

so they can look over their shoulder

proudly and say,

“I am doing it!”